Many people claim to have NPD nowadays, as a person who grew up in NPD household i say these people who claim to be NPD haven’t met REAL NPD persons yet, since NPD persons is akin to cold blooded psychopath that wants to control EVERYTHING and have EVERYONE sympathy on their side, even getting out of NPD household is insurmountable task for most people, so what I’m trying to say, these people who claim to be BPD or/and NPD are don’t know what REAL NPD/BPD persons is behind the closed doors

If it’s a person that I know then it wouldn’t affect my view of them at all, because I already know them.

What’s a NPD???

I hear how much this diagnosis weighs on you. You’re carrying around this knowledge that you have NPD, feeling caught between wanting genuine connections and worrying that being open about this could push people away. It’s a really difficult position to be in: wanting to be authentic with someone you love while facing all this stigma and misconceptions about personality disorders.

You’re not just asking about a diagnosis; you’re asking about how to navigate relationships, how to be genuine with people you care about, and how to handle vulnerability. These are deeply human concerns that go way beyond any diagnostic label.

I’ve know many people who initially saw their diagnoses as permanent labels that defined who they were. I get why: that’s how mental health has been presented to us for decades. We’re told these are distinct categories, clear boxes that people fit into. But here’s something fascinating that recent research has shown: When researchers studied over 3,700 people who shared the same diagnosis of major depression, they found over 1,000 different symptom patterns. More than half of the people had patterns so unique they appeared in less than 0.1% of the group.

This isn’t just true for depression; it applies to most mental health diagnoses. The whole idea of these being clear, distinct categories is breaking down as we look more closely at the science. In fact, despite decades of searching, researchers haven’t found reliable biomarkers for these diagnoses. The DSM workgroup themselves concluded this (page 8 of the pdf here as well as page 18 of the pdf here).

What does this mean for you? Well, it suggests that thinking of NPD as a fixed thing that defines you might not be the most helpful way to look at it. Instead of asking “Will people reject me because I have NPD?”, we might ask different questions: What patterns do you notice in your relationships? What kind of connections do you want to build? What helps you move toward those connections, and what gets in the way?

You mentioned being worried about your current relationship, about whether your boyfriend would still want to be with you if he knew about the diagnosis. That’s a really understandable fear, especially given how personality disorders are often portrayed. But I wonder if we could look at this differently. Instead of thinking about “revealing NPD” as a single big disclosure, what if we thought about building authentic connections in a way that aligns with what matters to you?

The real strength I see in your post isn’t related to any diagnosis, it’s that you care deeply about being genuine in your relationships. You’re wrestling with these questions because connection matters to you. That’s not a symptom; that’s a value. And it’s something you can move toward, step by step, in ways that feel right to you.

I know I often reference ACT and process-based approaches, and some might see that as my go-to solution for everything. But this situation perfectly illustrates why these approaches can be so helpful. Rather than letting a diagnostic label define your path, you can focus on understanding your own patterns, knowing what matters to you, and building psychological flexibility to move toward the life you want.

When you ask “How will NPD affect your social life?”, you’re asking a question that assumes the diagnosis drives everything. But what if we turned it around? What if instead we asked: What kind of social life do you want to build? What patterns help you move toward that? What patterns get in the way? These questions put you in the driver’s seat, not the diagnosis.

This isn’t about denying challenges or pretending patterns don’t exist. It’s about seeing them as processes you can work with rather than permanent labels that define you. The science is increasingly showing us that this is not only more accurate, but more useful for creating change.

You’re not your diagnosis. You’re a person trying to build meaningful connections while dealing with certain patterns of thinking and behaving. Those patterns can change. They might be stubborn sometimes, but they’re not set in stone. What matters is moving toward what’s important to you, one step at a time.

You probably don’t actually have NPD (although there’s a small chance you do). The majority of diagnoses of personality disorders and mental health disorders are not realistic, but just labels given by a deeply disturbed medical system that looks at the tremendous pain caused by bad social and economic conditions and blames the person as being “ill” instead of identifying problems in their environment. The world we live in is rampant with narcissism – if you happen to personally reflect that sometimes, that makes you more normal than abnormal.

I’m guessing your actual problem is that you’re stressed, for reasons such as: an unhealthy upbringing, a shitty job, poor educational resources, lack of money, low-quality healthcare, lack of supportive relationships, uncomfortable living arrangements, etc. – take your pick and think about what’s relevant to you. It is a crazy fucking world we live in, and just in order to get by, people often adopt narcissistic and selfish ways of thinking and acting even if that is not how they feel in their heart of hearts.

I don’t know what age you are either (and I’m not asking you to tell me), but the younger you are, the more likely you are to get caught up in misleading notions that you’re crazy because people are giving you shit information. Just work on being healthy and improving your life and treating others with respect. You do not need a label, nor do you need to worry about what people will think of you because of said label. Fuck labels. You’re a human being. Doctors may be able to give useful information about illnesses with evident physical markers such as diabetes or multiple sclerosis, but in most cases, they have no business talking about what’s in your head.

I think I would feel like saying. What is NPD?

Why the ever-loving eff would you talk about this during a job interview?

Is this a recent diagnosis? You need to slow way down and educate yourself on the condition and your employment rights. And I don’t mean by asking people on internet forums. Get real resources recommended by the doctor who gave you the diagnosis.

Did you recognize that you’re making it all about yourself?

Truth?

By the time someone got diagnosed with it, I would already be sick of the behavior, amd they wouldn’t be a part of my life. I’ve had to do it before

That being said, if the people in your life haven’t noticed it enough to be sick of you, telling them your diagnosis is pointless. Work on yourself via therapy, and it’s all good.

It’s also not something you need to mention in job interviews since there’s no accommodations needed.

But that half-joke I started with? It’s only half a joke. If you go around telling everyone, you’re kinda doing it. Your diagnosis is something you work on in therapy and would only bring up if needed. It isn’t something that’s useful to anyone else. Now, if you’ve been having trouble in your social interactions, and a specific person is having difficulty dealing with you, saying that you’re aware of a problem and are working on it is a useful thing to them and you.

In other words it isn’t something to be ashamed of and hide, it just isn’t something to broadcast without a reason.

The issue is behavior (which is the primary way most of that is diagnosed to begin with).

Acknowledging the behavior and making a deliberate attempt to prevent/improve it is something I would see as a positive sign compared to the behavior without the same steps. Getting a diagnosis (and some type of therapy) is a good thing.

If you consistently treat me badly, the label wouldn’t be why I left. If you make mistakes, but make the regular effort to be aware of them and improve, the label doesn’t matter either.

… other than a few people at job interviews.

this hurt me a lot in the past so i learned not to share things like diagnosis until after the interviews.

Exactly how I feel about being aspd (sociopathic)

I would judge them heavily in my head and pay very close attention to them to be aware of any attempts at manipulation or anything of the sort.

I understand it’s a complex diagnosis and has many facets that aren’t inherently negative but ignoring the large parts that are inherently negative would be putting yourself in jeopardy.

But as someone with a diagnosis with the same level of negative connotation I’d be more understanding but still wary.

Not every narcissist is a monster just like not every sociopath is a monster despite the general opinion on the matter.

In my experience, I’ve known long before they did.

I’ve been in this scenario twice.

First time is a close friend of mine. Specifically he said he had BPD, a variation of NPD (traditional psychological wisdom says if he was assigned male at birth, it would be classic NPD). It was one of those things he slowly “revealed” to me, perhaps to see how I would react, I don’t know. I would not judge him for something like that, I’m not one of those people who thinks of others in terms of what they “are” but rather what they “do” (I would rather adapt to things others dismiss as I believe in nuance, is it not the most human of experiences). He has a lot of baggage stemming from that, from his parents who are on-and-off abusive (NPD heritage maybe), from the DID that came from it, from transphobia, and from their whole family growing up outside the local theocratic status quo. I don’t care that he expresses all that in an extreme way where others ridicule or question his state of mind, who am I or anyone else if we only address interpersonal matters on a surface level? If Eridan is observing me talk about him in this way, I hope he knows he is loved and always has a place with me.

The other time this happened, it happened with a friend of mine who I know from my idol (an author I like, who also put me in her social circle, which is awesome). This friend is the Benson to my idol’s Pops and is closer with her than he is with me, though he has taken an interest with me because I’m the only perpetually active non-trans female in the group (yes, the idol herself is trans too, male to female this time, the implication of me having a transdar has made me question if I’m trans before hence certain references) and he is lonely. We know we can talk to each other about anything, and that’s how I found out he has NPD. He came to me one day and just said “hey I went to the doctor to get tested, turns out I have NPD”. Despite his high standards, some of the conclusions he comes to when life gets him down, and the fact he and the other friend I mention absolutely hate each other (go figure), if being there for him exudes a welcome difference I can make in their world, he and his issues have my dedication. I see my friends as people with souls that are silently and critically wary of how things play out on the surface in ways they can only hope to fully connect themselves with.

What I see online? I spent the first twenty years of my life as a target of cluster-B abuse, trust me I know firsthand.

My advice to all people in range is drop everything and fucking run. Things are replaceable. Jobs and friends are replaceable. Your wellbeing isn’t.

It sucks, you didn’t choose it, it’s not fair - I totally get that, believe me. I have ADHD, it’s a bitch, and it can suck for the people around me.

But the thing is, the fact that it’s not your fault doesn’t make you safe to be around. People can be a danger to others completely involuntarily, despite their greatest wish not to be. And yes, that’s completely fucking unfair.

NPD and BPD are both driven by a great sucking vortex of need-for-validation that can never be filled, and that tortures people if left unfed. NPD is when the vortex demands power or status, BPD is when it demands extravagant emotional connection, but they’re the same basic model underneath. It’s as vicious and relentless as any drug addiction, it doesn’t go away, and it will eventually overpower any amount of good intent. When the monkey’s on their back, all bets are off and the nearest available victim will be preyed upon.

I don’t think there’s a safe way to be in a relationship with that - though I suppose with extremely open communication and amazingly well-defined and enforced boundaries, it could be doable. But this is very much a case of informed consent - it would be supremely shitty not to let your partner know the deal.