Anyone else hear read Sister, Maiden, Monster?

On the list- Record podcast with some friends, fix a kitchen drawer and adjust some doors, mow my lawn, laundry. So far I’ve done everything but the mowing. And at this point I have zero intention of doing it. Partly because it’s time to eat jelly beans and watch YouTube but mostly because I’d have to finish cleaning the trash out of my yard I started cleaning yesterday. The excuse for not doing that is trash doesn’t get picked up till Thursday.

There’s a waiter at my IHOP that “knows” I like hashbrowns with my omelet and never gives me a chance to change it up to pancakes.

Your social security number is your account balance. How much do you have?

This isn’t true at all. He’d be shipped to El Salvador for being brown first.

A lot of those people got really quiet when we started fellating putin. I had to hear for years about how rad he was, and now crickets.

Fresh clean sheets on a well made bed daily.

You can get a piece of oak from a home store. Look for one about 3/4" x 1 1 1/2". Put some tape around where you’ll hold it. The square edges will splay someone open pretty good if things go that direction. And it’s way less obvious as a sign.

In 5 years or less we will be living in a world where people have their paychecks garnished to pay back food loans.

Meh, it wasn’t for long, it was jail not prison, and it was 30 years ago. I learned a few lessons, mainly that I’m not a good car thief. But also to pick and choose my adventures. When i tell my kids about all the shit we used to do, my wife gets twitchy but there’s a smile behind the rolling eyes.

Ha. I’ve done almost all of that. But I know why I went to jail. After years and years dealing recreational pharmaceuticals, partaking in the same, living in garages, living on stolen candy and nicotine and alcohol, skating, skanking, moshing, fucking and fighting, sometimes it’s just nice to be clean for a day and have one set of nice clothes.

One of my kids asked why I keep buying white shoes. They always get dirty. It’s a goal kid, one day they’re gonna stay clean and you’ll get it.

“Time flies, time crawls You’re a prisoner trapped between its claws Life sucks, sometimes You gotta learn to live between the lines”

Pretty much as written. Time marches forward no matter how I feel about it. My best friend died, people still sat in traffic on the way to work. My wife said she wanted a divorce, the mailman still brought me bills. I made the best chilli I’ve ever tasted and my neighbors cat disappeared. You gotta learn to just accept that life is fleeting and carve out your own space. Find your own joy. Bring your own good time. Because life doesn’t owe you anything and moaning about it won’t make things better.

It was more like when you move out and are on your own.

My folks were hippies. Did the woodstock thing and all. I grew up around them smoking pot at parties and stuff. When Nancy Reagan told us all it was bad my parents told me she was full of shit, that smoking dope sometimes was as ok as drinking a few beers and that when I moved out of the house I was free to do what I wanted.

As for sex, pretty much the same thing. Wrap your willie, wait till you’re an adult, and don’t do it here.

I’m as honest with my kids about drugs now.

You’re not wrong but I was speaking more generally.

There’s a whole other 50% in the buildings that didn’t.

I have 3 kids. I’ve never lied to them about Santa. I’ve always told them that the idea behind Xmas was kindness and giving and left it at that, and that the whole Santa thing was just a fun story to play along with, like the tooth fairy or social equality.